Those Nights
by GlassHawk
Summary: On a night she assumed would be just like any other, Pearl overhears Steven in his room, quietly sobbing to himself. She doesn't have any idea why... but could it have something to do with why he keeps looking at the painting of his mother?


**Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe. Steven Universe is owned by Rebecca Sugar.**

Present

 _"Thoughts"_

* * *

Steven stared up at the ceiling.

He knew not getting sleep wasn't healthy. It was well past midnight, and his bedtime was two hours before that. Under normal circumstances, he'd be fast asleep buried in dreamland, happy visions of adventure and music filling his head.

But it was one of _those_ nights. And sleep was always hard to come by on nights like this.

Steven rolled over in his bedsheets, facing the open side of his room. His eyes scanned the downstairs level for any sign of his guardian caretakers. They had all retreated to their rooms.

The child shut his eyes. He could already feel the first drops falling.

* * *

Pearl opened the temple door. She silently walked into the foyer of the house, careful to minimize the noise of her footsteps.

Although she knew Steven didn't like her doing so, there were still occasionally nights where she felt the need to watch over him as he slept, just in case. Whether it be from something that happened that day or as simple as a hunch, the urge to protect still came calling. And tonight, it was especially tantalizing.

Just as Pearl approached the foot of his stairs, however, a loud crash echoed throughout the house. She stopped dead in her tracks, straining to listen to the sounds from the room above.

Whatever the loud noise was, it didn't repeat itself. But instead, a monotone sound filled the air, muffled and muted. She still recognized it.

 _"Is he crying...?"_

Pearl tiptoed up the stairs to Steven's room, as quietly as she could manage. As she reached the top, the first thing she noticed was his nightstand knocked over, the Cookie Cat clock shattered to pieces. Her eyes then caught a big bump in his covers, curled to wrap the blanket all around him. From the moonlight gleaming through his windows, she could tell his pillowcase was soaked. With tears.

"Steven?"

* * *

Pearl slapped her hand to her mouth.

She didn't mean to speak out loud, not yet. At the very least, she wanted to hear what he was so upset about before moving in to intervene. Now that he knew she was here, he wasn't going to give her even a hint.

Steven moved the covers and sat up. His eyes caught on Pearl's, locking contact.

"P-Pearl? What... what do you want?"

"Steven, that's not important. Why are you crying?" Pearl slowly approached the side of his bed, her eyes fixed firmly on the child. "Is something—"

"NO!" Steven threw the covers over his head, hiding himself. "J-just go away! Leave me alone, Pearl!"

She bit her lower lip, her hands fidgeting with each other. Her breath caught on itself.

"... Steven? What happened to you? Why won't you let me help?"

The child said nothing, underneath his mountain of bedsheets. He didn't move.

The tone of his voice a moment ago was dead serious. She knew she was seriously risking upsetting him by approaching. But whatever was bothering him, he wasn't about to get it off his back by himself. Whether he wanted to admit it or not.

Pearl silently tiptoed to Steven's side of the bed. With one combined motion, she sat down and moved the covers away, revealed his curled, shivering form. He sniffled a few times as he turned away from her once more, rubbing his eyes with his balled fists.

Pearl found it difficult to not wipe her own. She put her hand on his shoulder.

"Steven... I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. Please..."

* * *

The full moon was out that night. And the house was full of windows.

Although he was the only one bothered by it, Steven always found it hard to sleep on nights where the moon shone brightly, even when he wasn't crying his eyes out; the light streaming through the windows made everything too bright for his liking. It was a challenge to close his eyes and concentrate.

And of course, the light also meant he could see everything in the room. Including the portrait of Rose Quartz, hanging above the front door. His mother.

 _"Mom..."_

Steven's eyes traced over each and every detail of the painting. Her bright pink curls, flowing down her back and over her shoulders. Her brilliant white dress, completed by the striking gemstone with a star outline. Her elegant, poignant face, eyes closed in thought.

She looked wonderful. Perfect, even. And he was her son.

Steven bit the collar of his shirt. Try as he might to fight it off, he couldn't stop a few more stray tears from falling as he took a deep breath, and rather loudly at that. He felt Pearl's grip on his shoulder tighten, then loosen again.

He knew there was no escaping anymore. Now that Pearl was onto his case, she wouldn't stop inquiring until she learned the truth. The boy sat up.

"Pearl... would she have loved me?"

* * *

"Pearl... would she have loved me?"

Pearl knew, in an instant, who "she" was. And her eyes grew wide.

"Steven, of course your mother would've loved you! What kind of a question is that?"

"How do you know?! I get you knew my mom better than anyone else, but what would she have _actually_ thought of me? Be honest!"

Pearl almost couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. How his mom would've actually thought of him? What reason would she have had _not_ to love him? Why was he doubting himself so much?

"Steven, your mother would've loved you to the Moon and back. I always thought you knew that..."

Steven said nothing. His eyes tore away from the portrait, his gaze trickling along to his room's windows, and the view outside. The crystalline ocean waters crashing to the sands of the beach in particular caught his attention.

As far as he was concerned, it all looked beautiful. Was this how she looked at the world, too? And maybe living creatures?

Or did she look at life... just a little _differently?_

"Pearl... my mom was strong. Wasn't she?"

Pearl squinted her eyebrows. "Well, yes, but-"

"And proud. Wasn't she proud, too?"

"Yes, Steven, your mother was also very proud. Why do you bring it up?"

Steven fell back into the mattress, his arms spread to his sides. He glanced at Pearl, once again forming eye contact with his caretaker. He sighed to the ceiling above.

"It's just... Pearl, look at me. I'm nothing compared to her. She could heal life, and protect the whole Earth, and lead a rebellion, all that stuff. But what can I do? Summon my shield once or twice a day? Obsess over how my magic _spit_ doesn't work? I can't do ANYTHING right! As far as she'd be concerned, I'm sure I'd be nothing but a failure!"

* * *

Now Pearl knew he was wrong.

It was true that Rose was the strongest gem she had ever known. As far as Pearl was concerned, there wasn't anything she _couldn't_ do; whether it be healing gems or liberating planets, it felt like Rose was truly invincible.

But that didn't make her unreasonable.

No matter what Steven said to convince himself otherwise, Pearl knew that Rose loved _all_ life, and saw every living creature as equal. It didn't matter if it was the largest tree, or the tiniest flower. Everything was precious to her.

And that included humans.

"Steven..." whispered Pearl, after an extended period of silence. She hesitated for a moment, before her voice spoke barely above a mumble. A single stray tear ran down her cheek and fell to her lap.

"Steven, your mother would _never_ see you as a failure. And I can assure you, she never looked at whether someone was strong or weak and _only_ judged them by it. As far as she was concerned, all life was meaningful. Especially you..."

Pearl swallowed the quickly forming lump in her throat. And then, before he even had a chance to react, she leaned forward and took the boy in her arms. She vaguely heard a small gasp as her embrace tightened, the teardrops now openly flowing from her eyes.

"But I want you to know something. No matter what you ever think about yourself from this day forward, please don't _ever_ assume, or even call yourself weak. It doesn't matter that you haven't mastered your shield or healing powers yet...

But what does matter is your heart. You have all of her care, and compassion, and kindness... Steven, your mother would be so proud of you if she were here. Just like I am..."

* * *

Pearl couldn't go any longer.

With a loud, forced gasp, the floodgates split open as Pearl allowed the tears to flow, freely falling down her face and onto Steven, firmly trapped in her arms. The child said nothing to reassure her.

He was too busy in his thoughts.

 _"Did Pearl just... do I really mean that much to her? I remind her of my mom that much? But she meant so much to her..."_

An ear to ear smile spread across Steven's face as it dawned on him.

Pearl wouldn't be sitting here, holding him in her arms and crying if she didn't truly mean what she said. And like he mentioned earlier, she knew his mom better than anyone else. She was speaking the truth...

The truth. The truth that always made these nights elusive. No more.

A small sigh escaped Steven's lips as he wrapped his arms around Pearl's body, returning the hug as best he could. He could hear her crying slow almost at once, her gaze trickling down to him.

"Pearl... thank you. Thank you so much..."

* * *

Pearl rested her chin on the top of Steven's head. Her crying had finally ceased, her frown replaced with a small, yet rejuvenating smile. She didn't move him from her hug.

For the next few moments, neither gem made a move nor sound. Whether they wanted to admit it or not, they had both been through quite the ordeal in the past few minutes; they couldn't possibly bring themselves to end the moment so soon. But Steven knew it had to be done.

"Pearl... I think I understand now."

Pearl lifted her head and looked down. "Oh?"

"Yeah... and I'm sorry for doubting her. After everything you've told me about her before, I should've known sooner..."

"Steven, it's okay." Pearl closed her eyes and laid her head to rest on his own, gently rocking him back and forth. "Nothing I ever tell you can truly capture just how wonderful she was..."

"I know..." Steven forced himself to turn in her arms, once again facing the front wall of the house. His eyes came to rest on her portrait. "I wish I could get to know her. But I love her anyways..."

Pearl said nothing as she continued to rock him, steadily. He could tell she had no intention of moving anytime soon.

He yawned.

"Hey... Pearl?"

"Yes, Steven?"

"It's way past my bedtime, and I think it's time for some sleep... I know you don't like it, but would you mind staying with me for tonight? Please?"

Though he couldn't see it, Pearl smiled. How could she say no?

With no words spoken, Pearl reached over and grabbed his blanket. With Steven still firmly in her embrace, she brought them down to the mattress and pulled the covers over them. She could feel him snuggle in her arms, readjusting himself as he settled in for a long (or maybe short) night's rest.

And then she heard him whisper.

"Goodnight, Pearl... and you too, mom..."


End file.
